Keywords: apology, racist, homophobia, things never to say, faux pas, bowling, first Black president, Barack Obama, Special Olympics
We've all done it--offended someone with something we've said, intentionally or not. Even the word-savvy President Barack Obama slipped Thursday night on "The Tonight Show with Jay Leno" when he compared his poor bowling skills to those of the participants in the Special Olympics.
Like Obama's blunder, there are a host of verbal landmines that could befall otherwise well-intentioned employees trying to interact with colleagues from traditionally underrepresented groups. But what do you do the moment after your gaffe? Do you open your mouth and insert your foot? Or do you simply beg for forgiveness?
Below, watch Obama's entire interview with Leno last night:
Click here to read the "Things Not to Say" series.
Click here to read "Etiquette Police: 5 Things the Parking Attendant, Waiter and Security Guard Say About You."
To find out how to save face, we did a web search for "how to apologize for something you've said" and nearly 5 million results came up--everything from "how to apologize to a woman" to "how to apologize to your kids."
We then pulled together a list of four things to do when you've made a verbal blunder.
1. 'Fess Up
Own up to your mistake immediately. This is the first step in making sure you and the person you've offended can move past your faux pas. It's important to use clear language when explaining what you've done. Simply say, "This is what I've done," followed by a brief explanation of the extenuating circumstances.
2. Apologize
Confessing to your mistake doesn't absolve you from having to apologize. If you aren't comfortable saying "I'm sorry," say "I apologize." However you choose to apologize, make sure it doesn't come across as a liability (such as "I regret what happened to you").
3. Take the Heat
Unfortunately, you still have to endure the penalty of your actions. Be sure to listen when the other person explains how your offense made him or her feel. It's important not to presume that the issue should be dropped simply because you've apologized.
4. Make It Right
Acknowledge to your offended party that you've learned your lesson and will try your best not to make the same mistake again. Don't, however, set unrealistic goals for yourself. Instead, demonstrate to the offended person that you are repentant--and be sure to help others avoid making a similar judgmental error.
Readers' Comments
Your opinions and thoughts...
Posted Friday Mar 20, 2009 by
Guest;
Why do we always focus on the negative or mistakes. The President said a lot of good things in his interview. I saw the interview and when I woke up this morning, the first thing I heard about his interview, is his comment.
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Posted Friday Mar 20, 2009 by
Guest;
It is a sad day when we care about a comment like the one President Obama's blunder was about. He didn't mean anything but a joke, and that was obvious to everyone in the hold world. I didn't vote for President Obama, but we have to do a better job of staying on the important issues, not his junk. To bad so sad, that Obama has to worry about simple jokes like this one.
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Posted Friday Mar 20, 2009 by
Guest;
Just goes to show you how less of a gifted speaker the President is without his attached teleprompter. His apology did not meet your 2 criteria when he apologized with "Mr. Shriver said the president sounded "very sincere" in voicing his desire not to add to anyone's pain.
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Posted Friday Mar 20, 2009 by
Guest;
I am 1,000,000% certain the President meant no harm and was just "dissing" himself. In my book, if he says he's sorry and reaches out - Good enough. He's still the best President in a long (8 years) time.
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Posted Monday Mar 23, 2009 by
Guest;
I take exception to your article in that in no way did POTUS
Obama insult the Special Olympics. He made a joke at his expense about his bowling score. That's ALL. Let it go and stop looking for things that are not there. Shame on the author of this article. Must be a sore loser, dusgruntled Republican- The GOP: The Great Obstructionist Party
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Posted Monday Mar 23, 2009 by
Guest;
President Obama's comment about his bowling will certainly offend some people with disabilities, though many of us who have disabilities expect insensative comments. People with significant disabilities have rates of unemployment estimated at greater than 70%. Therefore, as we enter new spheres where society does not expect to see us, members of that society will blunder like our President did yesterday. I think though that what most people with disabilities will judge Obama on is whether his policies create more chances for meaningful employment; establish healthcare options that actually meet our diverse needs; and foster better access to public places, services and information. I also think the flap over this can send the message, it is better to ignore people with disabilities than to make an error like Obama did, and that would be a most unfortunate conclusion for people to draw from this event
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Posted Monday Mar 23, 2009 by
Guest;
It was a balanced article. The remark was offensive. I'd like you to consider the hurt in the eyes of a parent who has a child with Down Syndrome. There's no appropriate way to put a positive spin on something like this.
On an offensiveness scale of zero to ten, I'd say it's a three. Flying over New Orleans after Katrina and saying "Brownie's doing a fine job" is a 10.
In context, however - we expect more from this president than we did the previous one.
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Posted Monday Mar 23, 2009 by
Guest;
I personally believe this story regarding President Obama's comment on Special Olympics has received too much focus and unnecessary commentary by all media. I saw the interview and his comment was not malicious and/or meant to be derogatory to any one.
We (the country) have a President who's willing to go on national TV - and attempt to connect with the people of this country - and your magazine focuses on this one comment. Your continuous coverage serves no purpose.
Have your researchers and writers develop a positive and balanced story/article.
This is what's expected and needed from your magazine.
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Posted Monday Mar 23, 2009 by
Guest;
I to have been in a position such as President Obama. I said something offensive about southern people once and did not realize that I had done so until it was brought to my attention. I immediately blamed my offensive words on my inability to keep my foot out of my northern mouth!
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Posted Tuesday Mar 24, 2009 by
Guest;
No one is perfect, not even President Obama. He recognized his error and apologized immediately following his appearance on the Tonight Show. He then invited Special Olympics competitors to the White House to teach him bowling. Far too much national press attention has focused on that comment. Where was the press when the previous administration tortured people, lied about weapons of mass destruction, stomped on our civil liberties, crafted legislation in the dark of night with Republican legislators in meetings they hid from Democratic legislators, etc.
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Posted Tuesday Mar 24, 2009 by
Guest;
Seriously, all I can say is where are the WMD's. Everyone is making this way bigger than an lie that was told to us and all the lives we have lost and are losing daily because of a lie. We have all made a quick comment, I was watching and he did immediately, clear up his statement. I believe because of his color, anything he does in blown up to unnecessary proportion. If you know his platform and you know that he did not mean to offend.
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Posted Tuesday Mar 24, 2009 by
Guest;
We have all said silly stupid things about something in our lifetime. Let's get on with it folks. This man meant absolutely nothing malicious in his comment. We have all at one time or another dissed someone or something without really meaning to and thought nothing of it. We don't need the media blowing up the smallest little details to create confusion. There are already those out to get Obama for every little thing he says or does...why add to the feeding frenzy? Don't we have better things to do??? If this recent situation is any indication...I guess we really have very little to do or worry about if this has everyone in a tizzy!
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Posted Thursday Apr 23, 2009 by
Guest;
I agree with Sheila Allen--we have all said something that did not quite come out right--we flubbed it. Give Obama a break and STOP grilling him under that miscroscope - - his is just humanl ike the rest of us. This recent attempt to draw negative attention to Obama is just another means of trying to make him look bad - the results of too many narrow-minded folks who lack commom sense --cause "common sense aint't really common after all" -- I watched and listened to the show and found nothing offensive--but when you go out looking for something,you will usually find it - - and some folks heard what they wanted to hear.
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Posted Thursday Apr 23, 2009 by
Guest;
The one great thing is that we all are entitled to our opinions,and so goes it with yours, Luke. I did not find President Obama's opinion offensive - - it was just a statement any one of us might make,and have made - but because of who he is,what he represents,and sadly because he is African-American - - this kind of narrow-minded thinking will continue. I applaud Mr.Obama for being able to voice his open and candid statements. Let's face it - - no matter what he says, there will always be someone/others who interprete it the way they want to hear it.
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Posted Monday Apr 27, 2009 by
Guest;
It was obvious Obama did not intend to offend and was making fun of himself in a charming way.
The problem, as I see it, was that his remark revealed a negative misconception about para-olympian athletes.
Anyone who makes it to the international competition at that level, disabled or not would be a seriously good bowler.
Obama probably knew that, really, and if he did not, he does now. And hopefully, so do many others, thanks to his quick correction.
Why do we always focus on the negative or mistakes. The President said a lot of good things in his interview. I saw the interview and when I woke up this morning, the first thing I heard about his interview, is his comment.
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