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Things NEVER to Say to Older Coworkers
By Daryl C. Hannah - Jul 10, 2009
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Also read: things not to say, older workers, generations in the workplace, career advice, age discrimination

I'll be the first to admit: I'm not always the most sensitive when it comes to older colleagues. I've been known to deem certain terms archaic or walk up to the COO of the company and ask "How's it hanging?" I even told one of my coworkers I was too young to know any Bruce Springsteen songs (not a wise move for someone who works in New Jersey).

Click here to read "Hispanic Workers Ages 50+ May Help Employers Solve Potential Future Labor Shortages."

Click here to read "Things 'to' Say to Younger Coworkers."

Click here to read "Tips for the 50-and-Older Job Seeker: Staying Plugged In."

Whatever the faux pas, one thing is clear: Millennials and baby boomers have their fair share of differences, with communication styles at the top of that list. But with the economy still black-and-blue, they're inevitably going to have to work together.

To learn how to communicate better across generations, register for DiversityInc's July 21 Generations at Work webinar.

The July/August 2009 issue of DiversityInc magazine will feature generations in the workplace. Click here to subscribe to DiversityInc magazine.

Here's a short list of things you should never say to an older colleague:

"I didn't know you were so old."

 

Expressing shock when someone reveals his or her age is not the best way to establish rapport with your older colleagues. Age a sensitive topic, for varying reasons, and you may send a message that's counter to your intent. Before you gasp or wrinkle your nose, take a step back and think about your intention. If you're implying the person looks good for his or her age, simply offer the compliment.

"Have you had work done?"

 

This question is equally offensive across gender and age lines, says Stuart Arnold, chief operating officer at DiversityInc. "[It's] offensive whether you are 25 or 55," says Arnold. "It implies a person should look a certain way because of his or her age and can be especially damaging for someone who is self-conscious about age."

"Do you know how to use Excel?"

 

Contrary to popular belief, older workers are not as a technologically "unplugged" as many people think. In fact, older workers have been using computers (or some form of them) for the past 20 years. "This question implies that older workers are not up-to-date on technological advancements," says Arnold.

Readers' Comments

Your opinions and thoughts...
Posted Friday Jul 10, 2009 by Guest;
I find it so hard to believe there has to be a whole website with advice about what to say or not to say to people who are older or younger, or whatever! Unfortunately, this whole texting age has brought personal communications to such a low, that people need to be guided in common courtesy and manners. Where are these people being raised, in a mosh pit somewhere?If someone has to tell a younger worker it's impolite to ask an older worker about whether they've had cosmetic surgery, then things are really screwed up!The sad part, is that my generation, yes, the baby-boomers, have enough sense not to ask the millennials whether it hurt to get that tongue ring.Sheesh! Why is my generation walking on egg shells around all this? Even more curious, why are some of my generation getting these tattoos and piercings? Is it because they couldn't afford a sports car when they hit their mid-life crisis, and this is all they can afford?I think the whole notion of having to educate anyone on what to say and not to say says way too much about our culture than I'm able to digest without getting an ulcer. It smacks of a spoiled generation that thinks anything said or done is a "good job"! because that's all you hear out on the sports fields and in the classrooms - everyone somehow is doing a "good job"! No one is allowed to fail, no one is allowed to be told maybe they didn't measure up and need to practice or study or work harder. Everyone is so fragile, we have to dance around them and not intrude too much, and what do we get in return? We get a whole industry built around "education", because some smarmy little brats don't know enough about protocol, and start asking older coworkers about their liposuction and botox.Give me a break!If you need to write articles like this, the world is doomed!.
Posted Friday Jul 10, 2009 by Guest;
Some of us Baby Boomers have been using computers for well over 30 years, and have been leading IT projects for 4 decades - and love the continually changing technology and what it brings to organizations in efficiencies and accountability. We also get it that not all technology/staff are used for positive contributions to organizations..
Posted Friday Jul 10, 2009 by Guest;
20 years? Actually I have been using computers in the office for 39 years, and some of my classmates were building them for specific office uses 25 years before that. And yes, I use Excel, often on a daily basis. Excel has been around since Millenials were in kindergarten. What I can't or don't do is download it to my phone..
Posted Friday Jul 10, 2009 by Guest;
To Carolyn Troiano:Amen, amen, amen. And I have to comment on this line: "If you're implying the person looks good for his or her age, simply offer the compliment." I certainly hope, Daryl, you're not saying the "millenial" should say, "Gee, you look good for your age!" .
Posted Friday Jul 10, 2009 by Guest;
It might be difficult for some of us growing up in the U.S. to realize that it does not matter when someone else judges you by your appearance, age, gender, ethnicity etc. Most people use visual cues to navigate the world and that includes social "stuff." However, this is exactly the reason that it is so important to have laws in place-to make sure people do not use these perceptions to deny others their basic human rights. Now, as an "older worker" I have the right to treated fairly in the workplace but as far as everyone being sensitive to my personal visitudes of ageing, well that is not just going to happen, whether we work with younger or older people.You, as an older worker are going to have to keep your "eyes on the prize"- making sure your co-workers and employer respect your rights as a employee-not as a person that they necessarily need to be super sensitive around because they are older. As far as expecting everyone to be sensitive to aging baby boomers. C'mom, were we that sensitive to our elders? Smile, life is longer that you think..
Posted Friday Jul 10, 2009 by Guest;
Excel? What is that? Sounds like an animal from Africa. Am I right?(just kidding. We older workers still have a sense of humor . . . when we're not being grouchy :).
Posted Friday Jul 10, 2009 by Guest;
To Carolyn:While I agree with the notion that people should have enough manners to know what to say without needing a website to refer to, I wholly disagree with you using this as an excuse to rail on the younger generations. Let me please remind you that all kinds of people read this website and I can attest to the fact that not all folks who are younger than the boomers are smarmy little brats. The irony of your post is that, in actuality, you could probably benefit from a little diversity training. My best wishes to you in the future - it seems that, for whatever reason, you have a lot of pent up anger..
Posted Friday Jul 10, 2009 by Guest;
Knowing what to say or not to say to any individual has a lot to do with child rearing, personal responsibility, and respect. Most people are not remember the age old sayings that they should have heard often during their young years of "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you," "think before you speak," and "if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all."It's as simple as that..
Posted Monday Jul 13, 2009 by Guest;
Carolyn,It's a matter of manners and some people were never taught them, no matter what generation they belong to. I, a millenial, have a small tattoo on my foot that I am not required to cover at the liberal law firm where I work. A boomer colleague recently expressed regret when seeing it. "Ooh, your tattoo" she said "It's so crazy with all these young people getting tattoos these days that they will probably regret later." I simply replied "Since I got my tattoo in rememberance of a friend lost to suicide, I don't think I'll ever regret it." If both generations stopped jumping to conclusions about each other, we'd all be a lot better off. .
Posted Monday Jul 13, 2009 by Guest;
When we as a society stop pussyfooting around the continued sexism that drives our Millennialettes (girls/young women) at younger and younger ages to the Botox, lipo, and silicone, then perhaps there'd be no need to include the question about "work done" on a what-not-to-say-to-us-Boomers list!.
Posted Monday Jul 13, 2009 by Guest;
Uh, I am in my 60th year, and I develop spreadsheets in Excel to teach others how to do accounting and investments, so I am not too sure if I am old enough to be asked if I know Excel.And when I am in the gym (at a community college), I am often asked by others one-third my age how to exercise certain muscles, how to do certain exercises or what they could do to get in shape.So I guess I am still not old enough to run into these communication miscues..
Posted Monday Jul 13, 2009 by Guest;
Its important to respect older coworkers but, it should not affect our expressions. Expressions are usually associated with emotions and these most often dictate what we say to senior collegues. Again, some circumstance might warrant us to ask or say some of these things without offending the person(s)concerned. It all depends on temperament.To this end, i disagree with this article on things NEVER to say to Older Coworkers.Cheers..
Posted Tuesday Jul 14, 2009 by Guest;
So many of us judge others by appearance, speech etc. My children and grandchildren tease me because I love new technology and want to stay in the loop. I too have worked extensively with excel and loved the challenge to learn how to 'sum'.My mom was one of those who said 'if you can't say anything good say nothing at all.' It works no matter the age of the speaker. We could all learn to think first and speak later. .
Posted Tuesday Jul 21, 2009 by Guest;
What is bothering me more than people saying the wrong thing is the problem mature people are having getting jobs. There is a men's hair dye commercial on TV right now that contrasts "experience" with "energy". Now why would a mature person not have the energy to do his or her job well??? When you are doing something you love, the energy to do it comes, even if you need to make adaptations. Last week I went to a professional conference for people such as special ed. teachers, occupational and speech therapists and assistive tech people. Many of the presenters and the keynote speaker were 40, 50, even 60 plus. Some of the presentations were high tech. Others were simply things you know from being in the trenches---the stuff you don't learn in college--like how to communicate with non-verbal, cognitively disabled students. We can learn technology, but more importantly, once we do know it we have THE KNOWLEDGE TO APPLY IT. We are less likely to just "collect" technology. It is time to respect experience. Enthusiasm is great, but it is more important to know what you are doing. When the Recovery District schools opened in New Orleans after Katrina, they hired a lot of inexperienced teachers and Teach for America. The principals were in a panic because their staff did not know how to manage their classes. They ended up spending the money that could have gone to re-hiring their experienced teachers washed away by Katrina into hiring extra security officers instead. Primitive people seem to know about experience best. The leaders of the communities are almost always the "elders". It is pretty rare to see a 20 something running anything,although there is an 18 year old mayor in one small town. The founding fathers were wise in requiring Presidents to be at least 35. .
Posted Tuesday Jul 21, 2009 by Guest;
The MOST beloved person on our high school campus is Chuck, a 75-year-old history teacher. Students love him; co-workers love him; administrators, custodians, and office workers love him; and everyone goes to him for guidance because of his experience, intelligence, and level-headedness. He gets his share of "old guy" teasing, but instead of getting incensed about lack of political correctness, he has the grace and humor not to take himself too seriously. That's why we all love him and seek him out. He has plenty of technicological savvy, but more importantly, people savvy. I'm 53, and when I grow up I want to be just like Chuck. .
Posted Monday Aug 3, 2009 by Guest;
I started learning about computers, in college, when I was in my forties. I continued learning about them so I can use and repair my own computer. Once I started using them, I was hooked and wanted to learn more. A friend, who, by the way, is also self-taught and sought after from businesses and universities, helped me. Once, he taught me the basics, such as, not, accidentally, deleting my Windows, which I did four times, I caught on on how to take care of my own computers. He left out of my life, and since I could not afford tech help, I continued my own education. I've had friends and family ask for my help when they were stumped as to what to do when their computers stopped working or they didn't understand a software program or they ran into a glitch. I, almost, always could help them so they could finish their projects.As far as young people making comments about how good I look for my age (I'm a young 62)? Bring it on. I love fantastic compliments-makes my year. .

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